He will cover you with his pinions,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
Psalm 91:4Â (emphasis mine)
It was May of 2016. I had just been released from the hospital a week before. I was desperate for my footing, looking for a sliver of solid ground. My father, one of the finest prayer warriors, was getting a lot of calls from me, in the evenings, before bed. I was still coming down from the mania and sleep was hard to find. Rest even harder. I needed hope.
My Daddy knew just how to give it.
Growing up, the words he needed at key times were found only in the One True Word. This evening within the ragged soul place of his daughter, he prayed in the solid ground. Always a farmer, he was reaping the harvest of his day to day times in the Bible. And he was giving me the choicest fruits.
He spoke into the fear. He spoke into the doubt. He spoke into those evil lies. He spoke into the dead bones I had become. He spoke life. He spoke beauty. He spoke trust. He spoke unshakable faith. He rescued me with his words, his prayers, his own precious faithfulness.
I don’t remember it all exactly. But I do remember he prayed with such confidence, as he always does. He willed the truth right into me. He declared that I was under God’s wings, tucked deep and secure. He thundered with a mighty voice before God’s throne. Leaving no doubt, he uttered strong how ‘God owned me and he owned me forever!’
And this is what it has meant for me to walk this road. To be loved by others as I am in my weakness. To be so desperate I know only God’s truth, God’s words, God’s ways of loving me will satisfy. To be so thirsty, so hungry, I drink and eat. To be so naked and cold, I cling to God who alone can cover me.
Under his wings.
My father is this kind of gift to me. I know it is rare and all I have received I give to you who does not have such a gift of prayer in your life. And I also give you the truth. In Jesus, you are sheltered, held tight and secure, under his wings. Nothing can take you from this place. Absolutely nothing.
No matter what your situation, your struggle, what it is that makes you desperate, here is your life. You can try every other thing, and maybe you have. But it is here alone you will be satisfied. It is truth as pure as the streets of gold, those forever pathways, in the new heaven and the new earth.
As I took those words with trembling hands, still shaking from nearly two weeks without sleep, my soul knew. It knew I could plant myself deep as that tree which is planted by water. It knew I could live off of these words. It knew I could live.
The whole truth is there were times so dark that May, I didn’t know about living. I had been deluded with lies and I couldn’t escape them. A false reality cloaked me. It said I wasn’t God’s at all. It said death was what I was. It was a grotesque thing and I couldn’t see my way out.
But a tender papa’s heart and a fierce love of truth could. The edges of my soul still quaked after that call. But its core was nestled deep under God’s wings.
Under God wings.
A place as infinite as God yet small enough it nestled a wispy soul like mine. A symbol of a love so great it would stop at nothing, even the cost of its own life, to shield and protect me. A hope so real it promised I would fly this way until the sweet descent onto eternity’s shore.
