Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV)
It’s a wretched day. Inside I feel un-anchored and chaotic. The dark pieces of my bipolar diagnosis are floating around inside vying for control. I spin dizzy trying to get out of this vortex of all that I don’t want. I don’t know what to do. How can I overcome all that’s against me?
Rising like the dawn I see His coming. He is drawing close with fire in His eyes. He is saying He is enough, more than enough, for all of my broken. He says ‘look to me’, ‘make me the object of your vision; your affection.’ ‘Like a clearly illuminated path in the night, I will show you the way Home.’
Do you ever feel the spinning, the gray unknown, the vast darkness? Do you ever feel like you have no idea which step to take next? Are you ever paralyzed by the fear of it all?
Jesus speaks into this for you and for me. Because we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, those who have made it Home, and they are cheering us on, it’s time to give up on a lesser life and move toward singular focus. It’s time to lock eyes with Jesus, to let Him become clearer and clearer, until He is all we see.
Why does everything make sense when we look to Jesus? Because He has a simple message, our true north. He says,’I know you are broken and weak and lost. This is why I came to rescue you and rescue you I did. Now I am bringing you and this whole world Home to me forever. I am enough for all of your brokenness. Fix your eyes upon my beauty, for it is your beauty. Lift me up and I will lift you up.’
For me, it’s healing. My struggle with bipolar at times feels like war with a beast. It wants to devour. It haunts. It mocks. It cheats. It lies. I could commit to a million dollars of therapy and not know victory. Yet, even and especially here, in the simplest way, I come with all that rages, like a scared child and I lift my eyes to Him. I lock into my connection with Him and let it nourish me. I receive the anti-venom for the snake’s bite. I am calmed, stilled and made whole.
Is it too good to be true? Too simple and pure?
Fixing our eyes on Jesus is not easy. We are all bombarded with a million things which want our attention. But, to fix our eyes on Jesus we must say ‘no’ in a way that’s clear and resolute. We must constantly remember He is the beauty of all time. We must still ourselves as we look to Him.
And as we do this work, the magic comes. We gain the energy to walk, even run, this road. We fly free and full to Him. We are laser-pointed towards His Glory and so we run to Him with abandon.
Those wretched days I have had since my diagnosis are less and less wretched. I am finding the beauty of Jesus surrounding me and giving me life. Sometimes I still miss it and focus on lesser things. But, I am learning, learning, learning to come back, re-focus on Him.
I know I will never be disappointed.
